The 5 Fantastic Kinds of Runners in Cebu City

Running is an ever-growing and evolving sport that transcends from the madness of the road to a better version of our lives. One may just be testing their courage to run 5ks while some are busy scheming evil devices to run some 260k. A few people will run to stay fit, some run to expand the social strata and while some do it for the sheer escapism of the sport. Together we will all have millions of reasons to run, billions of miles to conquer and lightyears away from being satisfied. Pero naa jud uban diha modagan ra para morampa! hahaha

Mao na ni sya, this article wont be your  ordinary (and abused) 5 Types of Runners, we’ve read it before in Runner’s World and Front Runner. For fun let’s put a twist in the narrative, a twisted and judgmental approach, on the way runners show their angas and vanity during races. Not all runners will fall to this categories but will certainly identify a lot of familiarities in the running community.This project has been a long standing #foreverworkinprogess piece of crap on my brain because I have to be careful and sensitive on the way I approach this mischief. But you know what, let’s just suspend people’s opinions and utang na loob allow me to judge my fellow runners through my own crazy dili-kaayo-himantayon eyes. (Note this story is so something no illustrator agreed to take it so I end up painting them, which took me forever to finish haha. May Forver ba diay? )

1. The Meta Shorties

I’m a big fan of The Flash television series which has super powered humans called metahumans roaming the city which includes the titular hero. ‘Mutant’ is so outdated. In Cebu, we also have multiple speedsters and they have something in common that will make Barry Allen (The Flash) go green to death: they wear short shorts. These metahumans comes in different skin colors: black, brown, white etc. Man these guys are fast, either their shorts are sort of their source of powers or wearing them is part of the package of some secret organization of speedsters. 90% of the time these wowow-shining legs people occupy the podium. Warning also to the uninitiated, if you see them speed by you tang*na pare wag mo ng habulin.  Remember, you aint fast if you aint wearing John Stockton shorts.. or shorter.

2. The Hubaderoes Kigolis

Even before this  unforgiving summer heat, there was truly a few small people in the running community who really comes to the starting line straight from the beautiful beaches of Cebu. Yes, aminin na natin, they are kind of lami kaayo tan-awn but hey focus sa ta. But again, this summer heat isn’t helping at all from containing this breed of runners who run practically on bikinis and beach outfits. They are very easy to spot actually: for men they are the topless hunks who probably spent more time lifting weights on the gym than training on the road. For the ladies, well… kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?? For membership to this kind of runners, get a gym membership first and seriously say goodbye to extra rice. All rice? I mean all right?

3. The Festival Kings and Queens

Forgive my lack in vision and painting skills but these guys doesn’t pair up during the entire course of a marathon. Perhaps on the Finish Line, lang cguro pwede. For maximum camera exposure and higher chances of scoring pogi-points (to the judge) a Festival King or Queen must run alone, solo and sometimes faster than Sub-6 42k because they truly own the show and are a major highlight of any running events. Anga mga fans atimana. They might have this Sa kanya ang Fuente, Sa akin SRP kind of agreement thingy. They are very easy to spot, just look into the crowd and see who’s the oddest and weirdest costumed runners and you’ll know the answer. Sometimes they were sandals, and some even wear barefoot for astig effect. Other inspired evolution of the category are the surging cosplayers like Michael Jackson and Power Rangers running the town. They usually come out of their shells or Batcave or whatever during marquee running events in Cebu, clue: Cebu City Marathon. Wait, how come I never had a selfie with these guys? (Guys, dont you dare imagine me wearing a costume, over my hot body! haha)

4. Naka-Three of Me

Murag igo ko ani dah.  But ever since that amazing  #CCM2014 last year there comes a meteoric rise of running warriors flocking the roads of Cebu City. It’s kind of unconventional and at the same time an inspiring success story for a city to harbor an increasing amount of runners that doesn’t wear the globally popular brands like Adidas, Nike and Ukay-ukay running apparels. Believe it or not, the more you run in Cebu the more you see these garaon and feelingon proud runners wearing something colorful, catchy and most importantly locally made apparels. Its more than a sports thingy, it’s a lifestyle-ish statement. Legends has it that when you run with these Three-of-Me singlets the gods of the road, the hellfire spirits on wheels and the great shokoys mer-men of the seas unite to give you unlimited second waves and extraordinary level of confidence. Kudos to my good friend and triathlete ‘bai Nino Abarquez for bringing the Three of Me brand to Cebu and even Visayas.

5. The Kuya X-men

Did I just said ‘mutants’ are oudated?  Sarry! Apparently there are quite a few X-men and mutants roaming and patroling the roads of the Queen City of the South. Their purpose other than keeping traffic as problematic as possible, is well (they’ll kill me for this) to show off their new gears, their updated 2XU costumes, their new kicks, new heart rate monitor, new GPS watch, new iPhone app, new socks and probably new PRs on the process. ‘Tawn pud ang mga naglaway. At first glance one can say these are the gods of the Cebu running community, the walking price tags and practically a brochures of what’s the latest techs in the running world. If there’s a kind of runners I admire and at the same shiver at the sight of one, it’s them. Depressing just to imagine the price of those gears. Luhod ta, luhod. 

So mao to sya. Porma pa lang alamz na di ko kaapas sa dinaganay haha. But I hope you enjoy this judgmental and crazy write-up in the name of fun and celebrating the goodness and hotness of summer. There will be more articles like to come, hopefully. Please take note that each of the characters illustrated above are entirely fictional. Any likeness of people who DNF-ed or made it to the finish line,  dead or alive, six-pack or daddybod are purely coincidence. More pa, peksman.

Feeling ra cguro mo if naay ka-look-alike diha. Peace! But for those who want to have their running moments captured in a piece of art, at your own fatal risk, drop me a line at lester_tabada@yahoo.com or follow me on Instagram at @lapiskamay.

Illustrator’s Note: I kind of tinamad na when I painted si Kuya X-man, which was the last, so for the background I stole it right out of the logo of the wala-malahos trail event Runnilla Eco Challenge 2015. Credits to the amazing artist who made it, kung sino kaman…  Pasayloa akitch! But we are really praying and hoping to the God above that it will push through this year or somebody will invent a time machine. Kay magbinutoan nako, dili na mangchicks  ug mag-train na ug tarong kay mga imalz kaayo ang bukid diri sa Southern Leyte! #daganpamore.